Spiritual awakening/ Part 1

This may be a comeback or not. Hi everyone, it took me so long to come back here. Actually today’s topic has nothing to do with fashion, because I wanted to discuss about something that changed my life forever . Today is Friday 29 of April , it’s currently 08:30 in the morning, as I am writing this, my son just woke up, and I am here on my laptop trying to find a job, like everyday, and then i thought why not make something I really like today, and then it hit me , there is eventuality something i adore doing since forever and that’s, writing.

If there’s one thing I learned trough the time and my failures is that even if we feel broken or even restless we have to continue moving ,with the smallest tiny bit of hope that has left in our hearts. I have been feeling a lot of anxiety and just feeling tired lately, because no matter how hard I tried, nothing was going like it was supposed to be . I had a feeling of being stuck somewhere in time. And this started two years ago from now, it took me long to figure it out but it was a spiritual awakening.

I just want to talk about this, and how hard it is actually. My whole world turned upside down and everything that I though I wanted in life, turns out I don’t wanted it anymore, it’s crazy but true, one day I woke up and knew everything, and it’s sad in a way because you’re not your old self anymore, everything has changed, and it’s not coming back, ever.

How it started you may ask ? Well, they say spiritual awakening happens after a heartbreak or a traumatic event, for me it was not actually that. For me, it started may 2020 and I had no idea what was going on, I just had this feeling of confusion and fear, had some panic attacks even. Then suddenly I had a huge realisation about my life and could see right trough the eyes of the people I was looking, if they appreciate me or not , if they were honest or not , and see so many of their emotions, feel their emotions also.I have to admit it was hard.

I even had a dream about someone, months before our official meeting, that person in particular, looked so much like in my dream, I was in shook about my intuition and dreams in particular. I dream a lot, and it’s so real. Dreams that actually predicts what is to come, that actually scared the s**t out of me. And in that time I had no on, with who I can talk about these things, and even today I don’t, because the majority of the people just don’t get me, and start to think I am crazy. So I just stay in my world and maybe act normal I guess, haha.

Déjà vu and synchronicity

Ah , the numbers , haha seeing them everywhere, 11:11, 22:22, 14:44 , 777, 333,555, and more!!!! I have been going crazy with all the signs the universe was showing me because at the first place I had no idea what that meant ! And shortly after I started to search and learn about the way the universe is conspiring with us. Its a constant communication, you either see it or not, but it’s here , everywhere, all the time.

This is a way the universe is speaking to us , when you see a repeated number just stay aware of what you was thinking in that exact moment, and usually it’s either a confirmation or maybe and explanation of what you were thinking in that moment. I got some confirmation regarding questions and doubts i was having just by staying aware of the sign that I was receiving.

It’s so powerful you can’t deny it. There’s so much going on, on the spiritual realm that cannot be seen in the 3D life, and a lot of people are stuck there, in the material life, even tho I know there is a lot of spiritual people that are conscious and awake but who seek out for financial security like I do too anyway, and that’s fine. Unfortunately the society makes the rules and we have no choice but to follow the track.

But either way I still think we have so much power and we can make a difference if we want to, if this basic life does not fulfil you, then you are free to chose what do you want to do, just you have to deal with the consequences afterwards. And many of us are not ready to make that king of big changes, so we stick with the masses.

Feeling lonely

Yes ! Having a spiritual awakening is lonely! This was sooo hard for me. Not everyone will understand you and you will go in a hermit mode for a quite some time and you’ll be on your own, with your own feelings and doubts. Talking with others will start to shifts as your beliefs are not the same as theirs so the communication will start to be difficult with some of your friends , and people you know. I may admit till today I find it difficult to engage a conversation with some people because I just don’t find it interesting, conversation like : how’s the weather or what that person may have said or done, and the gossip, does not interest me.

It feels lonely because there is no one, who you can speak about your feelings and stuff about life in general, I don’t know. For example I like to learn new cultures, new languages , I love to travel a lot , it makes my mind expand and learn new things, even if that new thing is a simple folklore dance in the country where I am staying. When I am discovering a new country I like to know everything about that country to the food they’re eating to tradition and beliefs they have. I just love that so much , I connect deeply with every new experience I learn in those countries. I also love to explore astronomy and the stars and the planets, and how its works , how small we are. Even architecture, I love architectural buildings with their own story trough the ages, like cathedrals and churches, what happened in that place, who lived there ,and their story, and so much more. And the most of all, I love nature, I can spend my day just sitting in the park and reflecting on my life, or just go for a walk, I love walking in nature, it makes me connect with my inner child and it makes me more calm and secure , I love watching beautiful landscapes with lakes and trees , usually a picnic in the mountains would make me so happy or just sit and listen to the wind and the birds . I would love to talk about these topics with someone , and for now no one seem to understand or let’s be honest, they are not interested in speaking about deep topics .I seek a deep conversation a deep connection ,something that will somehow teach me something.

Changing beliefs and growth

This one was a huge one for me, because coming from a traditional and strict family, I had a very different view of life. For the old me the most important thing was to get school done and get married, at least that was what my parents thought me, and I don’t say it’s bad thing , they educated me in a certain way and I am so grateful they did it this way, it preserved me from many harms in this life time.

But now I feel like, we limit ourselves a lot, because of what others may think , or say , and do things because your family want it that way or your mother or your cousin ,no matter who. I am no longer in that state, and I am so grateful for the lessons.

I don’t think we have limits and the only limit is inside you. We should not allow anybody to control our future or our decision on what we want to do or not. This had a huge impact in my relationship with quite everyone in my life, because i seemed cold and detached , and they even find me rude sometimes , but this is what happens when you prioritise yourself and your needs, and stop seeking acceptance from the exterior world.

And all this came naturally as I was learning self love. Even today I make exception and give chances to people that doesn’t deserve one, because I know we all deserve more that one chance to succeed. I want to show to those around me that we don’t change because we want to , we do because we have no other choice, and also show them love event tho I did not received that love back sometimes. I truly believe that love can change the world, and the kindness we have inside ourselves is everything we can give to someone.

My beliefs are expending as I live and I know that I have a lot to learn trough this life time , but I believe that no matter what culture, race ,and colour, we are all the same, and we all deserve happiness, we do deserve love and passion, new beginnings, start over if it doesn’t work . We do!

You don’t need to feel ashamed for your choices in life because they belong to you and no one else !!! You make your future and no one will come to steal that from you ! You chose to either stay in a stagnant situation or just free yourself and live the life you always wanted. You chose ! Every day is a choice that is worth living. Every day is a gift from the universe for a better you!

Gratitude, self love, and healing

Gratitude is very present in my everyday life. I have a strong intuition and I just know things are going to be just fine. Being grateful for who I am and for what I already have is making a huge difference in my life. When I feel down and just feel sad I let my emotions shows.

We are all humans and unfortunately life is hard sometimes, but it is important to recognise and own your emotions , feel them deep inside, because if you chase them by distracting yourself, you will never heal. Healing from something that made you sad or upset can be very hard , but you must know that in order for you to heal is to FEEL !! Yes you must let those emotions in, no matter what it’s about ; love, anger, regrets, sadness. Let it in, and then you can let it go. In order for you to feel all the emotions is so you can in a way reconcile with your inner self and just make peace with everything that you’re feeling, so you can move on. Sometimes moving on is difficult and I am still working on that too, on myself and my emotions, I may have a straight face or very cold physic but I am very emotional, haha.

Other thing you must know is that you must love yourself first in order to love others, we cannot love an other person if we don’t love ourselves. Many times we act in a certain way or get triggered by certains situation, but when you do, just remember. What others say about you it’s not about you , it’s about them because they express their own insecurities to you unconsciously , remember we are all mirrors, every trigger is a response deep inside you, if something bothered you in a situation , think why you feel that way.

Why is this situation triggering you , do you have some traumas regarding this, ? Maybe it’s a fear of abandonment, or fear of trusting. Every actions of ours is the mirror of what we feel inside us, I can say this is very hard because my triggers stil bother me and I just learn to live with that. There’s so much more about this topic I can talk about but let that be in my next post about Spiritual awakening part 2.

Well with that being said , my dear virtual friends, I hope you can somehow find yourself in these paragraphs and if so let me know I would love to read you.I wish you a very productive and pleasant day, till the next time. Sincerely, Nade
xx

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